papercutbliss

(excuse the poor photo of my cards; i took the picture quickly not worried about composition, and i didn’t intend to post it online until now.)

last night, I asked my Secret tarot deck (yes, it really is called Secret tarot) would I actually communicate with my brother as planned on the night of Samhain (October 31st), when the barrier between the spiritual world and ours is quite thin. although not pictured, the six of cups flew out and almost hit me in the face while shuffling. it shows a child on a swing, looking so joyful (see it here). it made me smile though, as that card truly represents his nature: gentle, carefree, kindhearted, etc. his nickname was ‘cream’ because he loved ice cream. he never took the simple pleasures of life for granted. I took that card making its presence known as an emphatic YES to my question. I pulled three extra cards and got the devil, ace of wands, and the high priestess (the cards pictured above). the devil is indicative of all the malicious spirits that will be out to play that night, with some wanting to intercept any well-intended communication with good spirits. he also serves as a mere warning to me: I need to be very careful and make sure I protect myself during the reading that night. I see the devil as trying to be an obstacle for the rabbit in ace of wands. however, the rabbit is fearless - cautious, but fearless. I look at the arms on the tree stump as being arrows of direction, like forks in the road. he could go right, but he is turned toward the devil; he has already decided that this is the direction he will go in because what he wants lies beyond this obstacle, and he is determined to get to it, come hell (ha) or high water. this rabbit is my brother, letting me know that he will make it his business to talk to me. in this realm, he was a highly dependable, decisive person, so I see that hasn’t changed. I knew the rabbit was shown to me for a particular reason; I had a hunch that it was my brother’s Chinese zodiac for this year, and I was absolutely right. this made my heart so warm, I had tears in my eyes. through my spread of cards, he will try to give me the answers I seek (high priestess). he has secret knowledge about some things that led up to his death, and he knows I want him to share it because it’s been on my mind (and my mom’s mind) for 12 years, which is how long he has been gone. I should also note that the ace of wands has the number 1 and the high priestess has the number 2… 12. I went to sleep real peacefully last night because of this reading, knowing that I will achieve what I want with him on the night of Samhain. I had also did a quick reading before this one asking about something concerning the same reading that I plan to do, and the three of wands popped up first (see it here). it symbolizes all the preparation I’m doing for this special night, the thoughtful and meticulous planning. I SO look forward to it.

***I will also be doing Halloween readings throughout the day. I have about 4 slots open, so if you want a reading from me, email me at sugaandgrits AT gmail.com, and I will show you my special Halloween packages. be safe.

note: this isn’t where I’ll be posting the rest of my tarot readings. I just wanted to share this one and really had no other place to do it but here on my writing site. I’m still working on my tarot journal, so stay tuned.

hi, i’m still very much around. i plan to update this writing journal of mine soon, but at the moment, my focus is on getting my tarot journal up, which will also be on tumblr. stay tuned for a link once i’m ready to share it.

i am not sunshine
i am not pulsating bliss
i am not calm wind
but i am all of these things
when your skin first touches mine

and then…

i am red fire rising

the night harbored her
with a blanket of blue stars
peace, oblivion

dark love was born in the eye of the hurricane, and it felt so wickedly wonderful that they carried on, knowing their hearts would be dead in the aftermath.

oh, darling, i hate making you cry, but it seems that’s the only way i know you love me at your core, where your feelings are intricate and deep and hot like lava and sometimes beautiful, completely different from the wintry chills you give me.

i let you inside my porcelain castle
you transformed into a dragon
and destroyed it

it was your eyes
they made me stupid
with their clever facade of assurance
gentleness and warmth

i lost myself in the muted sun
of your enchanting gaze
incognizant of the monster
lurking behind it

but you brutally forced me to be aware
thank you

i’m a lot wiser and stronger now

i’m a child of darkness. all this sunshine you’re giving me, i’m not really used to. you call out my name or brush your electric fingertips against my skin, and suddenly, bold flashes of yellow infiltrate the grey; some dormant part of me is shocked into an exhilarating awareness when you do such things. i want you to know i woke up this morning feeling like you were my chosen lover, but more like you chose me. you are light. light is the lion, and i am the prey, and i believe i’d rather surrender than run or play dead. i do not fear, for i know it is my fear you seek to destroy.

i desire the strength to hogtie your wild ego and dump it in the deepest river, for it steadily claws away at our love with its huge talons, and you are oblivious to it. this is quite painful because i’m in love with you, so you must snap the fuck out of it now and tame the beast before it kills us.

the most organic form of self-abuse is denying your heart its greatest desire.